Bath Spa University 0
AECC RFC 48
On Wednesday 9th February, the intrepid explorers of the AECC RFC set sail aboard the SS Minibus for Bath Spa, currently bottom of the table with no wins from their opening four games. The journey passed smoothly, save for the notable exception of coach Frosty laying eggs out of his face.
"LOL"
Upon arrival, the referee looked a bit gimpish, but turned out to do an alright job, so I’ll say no more about that.
It didn’t take long for the AECC to get into the swing of things. Scott Gimby sniped from a ruck to score under the posts after just two minutes, Matt Bateman converting to make it 7-0.
From the ensuing kickoff, the AECC’s ball retention was impeccable, until Ben Rutter’s fateful kick which was to have repercussions later, but more on that later.
When Bath Spa were penalised for holding on just outside their 22, Matt Bateman stepped up and slotted the penalty to make it 10-0 to AECC.
Physicality was proving to be a major factor in the momentum of the game. Seemingly continous big tackles from Matt Bateman, Clive Hurkett bumping the “speed man playing opposite him, and a particularly withering hit from BU friend Josh Conlay, possibly the find of the season, characterised the gap in the sides’ abilities.
This could not disguise the fact that Bath Spa were dogged, and with poor discipline at the ruck costing the AECC, it was the lineout presence of Alex Horne and Callum Forrest, as well as Scott Gimby’s fantastic box kicks which were getting the AECC out of jail time and again.
Bath Spa seemed to think that this was an indication that their doggedness would eventually win out, particularly evident from the sideline, where talk of “bringing on the big boys” and “damage limitation until half time” were rife. This reporter and the bench-warming Dan Pollard found these claims ridiculous, and were soon to be proved right.
An up and under from player-coach Joe Frost gave the returning Alan Ryan the chance to tackle someone without the ball, allowing Kristian “Tintin” Gjermundrød to carefully pick the ball up, and after a few beautiful phases and some great hands, Tintin scored in the left corner to make it 15-0. Matt Bateman added the conversion with the spawniest of ricochets off the top of the right hand post.
Shortly afterward, coach Frosty was at the inception of another try-scoring sequence with a modified charge-down, that is to say, simply catching a kick at very close range. Nothing but green green grass lay between Frost and a glorious try, but sadly the ageing hamstrings were simply not conducive to a scorching finish. After several handoffs, the offload went awry, but Alan Ryan carried the poor Bath Spa winger back under his own posts (“the best thing I’ve ever done” – actual quote, are you reading this Fran?) for an AECC scrum. A penalty for collapsing the scrum resulted in another scrum, Alex Horne claiming the pushover try for himself. A simple conversion from Bateman made it 24-0.
Another break from the frankly fantastic Scott Gimby led to some sustained pressure in the Bath Spa half directly from the restart. By now the AECC were playing excellent rugby. At the resulting scrum, a simple 8-9-14 move down the blindside allowed Clive hurkett to put horne in for his second try in the right corner. Half-time 29-0 to AECC, and Bath Spa’s earlier claims were looking increasingly ridiculous.
The first score of the second half was crucially important, as if it was scored by the AECC, surely a victory was safe, whereas a try for Bath Spa... would still probably end in a win for AECC. Kristian Gjermundrød chased down a kick from at least 15 metres offside but like a true AECC great, played the whistle. Although he was stepped, Joe Frost, Bateman and Alan Ryan followed with a rather unappetising trio of shoulders. Under pressure, the desperate Spa kicked clear, straight into the arms of the fresh legs of Dan Pollard (?). While Pollard provided the rapier, slicing the Spa defence in twain, the 6’8” Callum Forrest provided the bludgeopon to go the final 2 metres for the try (don’t tell anyone, but it was dropped). Another Bateman conversion made it 36-0.
The next score was to come courtesy of a stolen lineout. Alex Horne pilfering yet another Spa lineout which was then driven from the 22. After much loitering and “encouragement” (swearing) from the sideline, Ben Rutter finally joined the maul, and unfortunately for all involved, actually scored the bugger. 41-0.
After 30 mins further Spa ineptitude caused a head injury, meaning that scrums had to go uncontested. This freed up Struan Brown (whom many have claimed plays his best rugby in the last ten minutes anyway) to do a bit more work around the field, culminating in the first ever “Stroon Boom”, the hit heard all the way back in Glasgow.
The final flourish of the AECC came with the last play of the game, myriad offloads on the break after Spa pressure leading to Kev Moo scoring the final try of the day. Dan Pollard’s conversion made the final score an emphatic 48-0, and a perfect warm-up for the visit of Bath university 3rd team for the top-of-the table clash on the 23rd.
Reaction
Captain Matt Bateman had this to say about the performance:
"Like the pitch, the game was a bit lopsided, played classy efficient rugby 1st half. Dan pollard's arrival and some overambitious rugby led to it tailing off second half. Overall, solid performance."
Coach Joe Frost was more nonsensical:
"Seagulls fished for the sardines in a manner that a welshman would chase joe worsley across a lush cornfield of pomegranates vis-a-vis ref etc"
The boys are enjoying the fishing experiences, with snowboarding becoming a large part of the triangular quadrant of hate aimed squarely at the enemy with the attempt of roundly beating them. Polly might be gone though. Hope there's no hexes. DODECAHEDRON!"
Let’s hope those eggs aren’t hatching in his brain!
Man of the Match- Honourable mention to Joe Frost (partly for playing a full 80, partly because he always whinges about never getting it). The result was a 3 way tie: Scott Gimby (for what will inevitably become an 80m, 17-dummy sniping try), Alex Horne (number 8 is SO easy, apparently), and the excellent Josh Conlay.
Dick of the Day was more straightforward- Tintin was nominated, but the runaway winner was Ben Rutter with 11 votes. Reasons include not showering, continually wanting to be subbed, kicking the ball, voting himself Man of the Match, backing his pace, try sniffing, and continual shit bants.
Scorers: Gimby 1T, Horne 2T, Rutter 1T, Forrest 1T, Gjermundrød 1T, Marillier 1T, Bateman 1P 4C, Pollard 1C.
Team: Buzza, Rutter, Stroon, Forrest, Swaffield, Conlay, Toby Lenthal, Horne, Gimby, Frost, Gjermundrød, Bateman, Ryan, Hurkett, Marillier. Subs: Pollard
AECC RFC
Generally not bad
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